Date : Sunday, March 10, 2013
Time : 12:31 AM
Title : Page 2

Honestly I have no idea what's up with me lately.

So here's the thing. I've pretty much lost motivation in everything, and I have no idea how it happened. I don't know why I've been feeling this way lately and to be honest I've been trying pretty hard to find the answer too. I can't say that I'm someone who's extremely passionate about life, passionate about what I do.. I don't have dreams, nor do i care about having dreams. But I don't remember this lack of drive in me.
(And this ill feeling I experience everyday isn't helping me either.)

It's like my energy is being drained out of me. Maybe I'm overreacting, and I may be, I have to admit. But this just doesn't feel right, I don't feel like myself.

Perhaps I'm going through a phase in my life right now. Like mid-life crisis, probably less major but you get it don't you, it's a changing phase, from my old kiddy life to the adult life I'm stepping into now that I'm 18. (Which is in fact, a pretty scary thought come to think of it.)

One thing about this is that no one understands. Maybe it's because I'm honestly not the most relevant people in their life but I didn't think it would be that bad. When I tell people about it, most of them tells me that I'm overreacting, I'm thinking too much, what is wrong with you........ blahblahblah. Perhaps no one have been through this stage to fully understand what I'm feeling.. Or maybe they're right, I'm just thinking too much. Can't help feeling this way though, it isn't the best feeling in the world trust me on this.

I guess the worse part about this whole "I've got no motivation and I find life extremely meaningless" phase is that even I don't understand myself. I used to have drive, I used to want to live life, to do something meaningful with my life, to improve, to learn to socialise.. And it's all gone now. Poof, like the wind. I want to get my ass up and do something but there's just this part of me that refuse to budge. This is frustating. And this part of me that keeps reminding myself that life is meaningless is.. scary. Very scary.

I'll be fine, if any one cares, I will be. I'm strong, like titanium. Like that overexposed song. I'm different, I'll find things that I'm meant to do. I believe I will. I just haven't found it yet.

Date : Saturday, March 9, 2013
Time : 1:26 AM
Title : Page 1